WTF011 - Trapped alive in the Tollhouse.
(Download 83MB)

01 - Pretentious intro, spoken word.

Original 2002 Rant:

I'm going to start this one off by asking you to cast your minds back to last week. On the day the Queen Mother barked her last “Jam!” The Reverend, Dems and myself took off to Penarth to look at the sea.

We came in through a marina, which was very lovely, but not the sea. We had a look at the big old barrage that always seems to be on Red Dragon Radio, and then up the dauntingly steep hill toward the town itself. We see a sign for Sea Front, but overshoot by a matter of feet. “Fine” we think, “we'll take the next left.”

It follows that the sea is a big thing. Estuary, whatever, it's a big chunk of water where there's no land. It might not run in a straight line, but it doesn't turn at sudden right angles as a rule.

So we take the next left and it leads us through some beautiful leafy streets. The Reverend decides he'll switch parishes to Penarth, but there's still no sea. We keep turning left, working on the basis that if we end up in a circle we'll be back where we started and then we'll take the right turn. This is when it gets really odd.

02 - History Today.

We pass a sign for a new village. We've left Penarth. A sudden fog springs up, disorientating us for a time, and then we come across another sign. This one reads “Medieval Village”.

We finally wound our way back, and even got to see the sea.

There are haunted roads. I'm sure of it. Roads that turn you around and around like Longleat's Maze until you've no idea where you are, other than it isn't anywhere near where you needed to be. You get to see a lot of scenery, and you can even relive Life In Earlier Times, but you won't get where you wanted to. We found another one that runs right through the middle of Bridgend.

03 - The Salt Flats .

Driving through the one-way system that clicks Bridgend together gives you the same sort of feeling I reckon pinballs get. It's up and down, sudden turn, there's the venue, back on the motorway.

Eventually we mastered it. The Reverend actually understands the ancient Scroll of Tilting we picked up in Dudley, and it's come in useful more than once.

The Cull couldn't play tonight, as they've all come down with scrofula. I'm not sure if that's true but they aren't very well and you're only allowed to visit them if you've got one of those space-suit things, so it must be pretty nasty. We wish them all a speedy recovery. From a safe distance.

04 - Reward.

Originally by famous goths The Teardop Explodes .

When we were asked to do a session for Adam Walton (I'm young and excitable, so you'll have to cope with the name-dropping) we decided we wanted to fulfill all the usual session criteria of: cover version, old one, new one, one off the last single, but do it a bit differently. We're recording it tomorrow, so I'll let you know if we get it right. One of the things we've had a lot of problems with is cover versions. It's difficult to say why, but we've always had this sort of dirty urge to do cover versions that take the piss. With ‘Reward' I don't think we are taking the piss. I was surprised that it's not been done before as well. So when this Gareth Gates bloke (and it's beyond me) releases his version we'll finally know that people do in fact read all this shit.

We soundchecked with ‘Reward' and ‘The Salt Flats' and made a pig's ear of the first.

Special mention here to John Taylor and his lovely mate who were doing the sound. We had a really clear sound on stage, and a really chunky one out front. I found out afterwards that it got recorded as well, so if there's some good ones they'll be here soon.

05 - Too much.

The night was put on by Incident Music , represented by Skeks who also takes photos down the Oz Bar. There's a myth that he's got some fantastic ones of us, but we've never seen them, so it's difficult to see why so many people down there burst into tears when we walk in. Skeks worked like mad trying to get people down, but as Earthtone 9 were playing the Newport night of their first farewell tour all the young folk had dribbled there instead.

But they wouldn't have had any difficulty getting there, because Bridgend is riddled with wild taxis. Wherever you look there's a taxi. White and waiting. I thought it was a massive police presence to start off with. Really.

Which brings us to The Von Rectumstien Coalition . Richard O'Brien has nightmares like this, and they must be ace. They have such a fantastic confidence that you can't help but love them. They signed my CD and I'm going to see them tonight at the Oz Bar, so I suggest you come down. Whether or not you do might be dependent on you reading this today of course. Hell, I've got to get it finished today as well or you'll not even have the chance.

06 - Think!/At the arse-end of the rainbow.

The French decided to encroach on new ground and moved off into the space just before where the crowd would be if they weren't all sitting down.


Why does this happen?

07 - Utilising blasphemy as a seduction technique.

The set went well. I thought we sounded tight even though we lost time on occasion.

During ‘Too much', a gentleman was quite audibly singing the lyrics right back at me. Now that's unsettling as we've never even recorded it. I think he was a bit surprised, or a bit pissed, or a bit of both. He said he was 45, and kept asking me where I got my voice from. How can you answer that? He bought me a pint though, and said he'd be proud of his son if he was doing what we were doing. I don't think I'd be too keen on my son acting like that in public myself.

08 - Eating people is wrong.

People cheered in the right places and said very nice things and we went home and watched Robin of Sherwood .

09 - Commercial Love Song.

Next stop the Oz Bar. And I think this one's going to be special. We're recording the next single two days later, and that weird wave feeling is back.